Classmate: How can you celebrate Christmas if you don't believe in God?

Me: How can you celebrate Valentine's Day if no one likes you?

tuucker:

irisowl:

So I walked into the dentist this morning. My dentist asked me how my weekend was. I said “Good, I watched Captain America last night. I really liked it.” And my dentist says “Oh, my son is in that movie.” At first I thought he was joking but then I realized

Dr. Robert Evans

I looked it up

My dentist is Captain America’s dad

My doctor is JK Rowling’s husband.

JK Rowling’s husband has asked me if I am sexually active.

(via perks-of-being-chinese)

australiansanta:

I JUST REALISED I NEVER DRANK MY CUP OF TEA FROM 3 HOURS AGO ITS STILL ON THE BENCH GUYS WHY DO I DO THIS SO MUCH I SWEAR I ONLY EVER REMEMBER TO DRINK LIKE 40% OF THE CUPS OF TEAS I MAKE THIS IS BECOMING SUCH A PROBLEM